Letting Go of Self-Shame: How Forgiving Yourself Can Open Doors to Freedom

When I first met my client, she carried a weight she couldn't shake. Trust didn't come quickly for her—not with others, especially herself. She was holding onto parts of her past that haunted her, a patchwork of painful memories and past mistakes that made her feel guarded and, more than anything, ashamed. The walls she'd built around herself felt protective, but in reality, they kept her isolated and unable to move forward. She was firm but carried this burden alone, holding her back from the life she wanted.

Initially, she needed to figure out where it was coming from. "Why do I feel like I can't trust people?" she asks me. Or "Why am I so tempted to blame myself for things that were not my fault? She realized that even when she tried to forgive herself, the weight of her past lingered. It was like a shadow that followed her, quiet but always present. Each mistake, every painful memory, seemed to leave a mark she couldn't erase. And it was exhausting.

Through our sessions, we began to unpack it all, layer by layer. Each time, I could see the strain lift a bit as she allowed herself to describe the experiences that had shaped her. We worked through challenging discovery questions. Sometimes, it meant facing parts of herself she'd tried to ignore, feelings she had buried because she believed they were too heavy to face alone. But she was determined to understand, and as we talked, she began to see her past with a new perspective—one that wasn't clouded by shame.

One day, after several sessions of digging deep, she paused, looked at me, and said, "I think I get it. It's me. I'm the one holding on to all of this. I'm the one who can't let it go." That moment was her turning point. We sat there, both feeling the weight of her revelation. She'd finally put a name to her struggle—self-shame. In naming it, she took the first step toward freeing herself from it.

In the following sessions, we explored that realization further. I encouraged her to see the self-blame for what it was: a defense mechanism she had developed over time, a way to protect herself from getting hurt again. She had been so afraid of repeating the past that she kept herself in constant judgment, always alert for her missteps. But now, that self-criticism was no longer protecting her; it was a barrier that kept her from growing. I asked her what it would look like to forgive herself, to release that shame, and to give herself the same grace she extended to others so freely.

For her, it was an unfamiliar concept. She was accustomed to forgiving others and being kind to those around her. However, when it came to herself, she'd always clung to the guilt, as if she deserved the burden. Over time, she started to see herself differently and to recognize that she could be kind to herself. We talked about faith, about how giving her past to God could bring her a sense of peace and a release she hadn't thought possible. We talked about faith, about how giving her past to God could bring her a sense of peace and a release she hadn't thought possible.

This was where faith became her anchor. Our sessions taught her that self-forgiveness wasn't about ignoring the past or pretending it didn't matter. Instead, it was about recognizing that her past didn't have to define her future. One day, she looked at me, eyes filled with a mixture of relief and strength, and said, "No one can shame me more than I already have." And with that, she took her first step toward letting go. She handed over her past, no longer as a burden but as a story that had shaped her resilience.

Helping her realize and witness her courage in releasing that shame reminded me of the strength it takes to forgive ourselves. It's not an easy journey, but her story showed that sometimes, our most challenging battles are the ones we fight within. As I watched her move forward, unburdened by self-blame, I knew she had found a new kind of resilience and a new kind of strength —not afraid of the past but ready to shape her future. Her journey wasn't about forgetting her past but embracing it as part of her growth.

For anyone who has felt weighed down by their self-judgment, take a step back, take a deep breathe and remember: you don't have to carry that weight alone. Releasing the past, forgiving yourself, and finding the courage to give your struggles to God can open doors you didn't know were there. Her story reminds us that while the past may shape us, it doesn't have to define our future.